Love Is a Verb: Proactivity and the Power of Loving Action
When we think about love, it’s easy to fall into the trap of believing it’s just a feeling—something that comes and goes, subject to the whims of our hearts or the circumstances of our lives. But what if love is much more than that? What if, instead of waiting to feel love, we choose to act with love?
The Story That Changes Everything
At a seminar on proactivity, a man once approached Stephen Covey with a heavy heart. He confessed that the spark in his marriage had faded; he and his wife no longer felt the love they once had. “What can I do?” he asked. Covey’s answer was simple, yet profound: “Love her.”
Confused, the man protested, “The feeling just isn’t there anymore.” But Covey insisted, “Then love her. If the feeling isn’t there, that’s a good reason to love her.”
This moment captures a powerful truth: love is not just a feeling, but a verb. When the feeling fades, it’s not a sign to give up—it’s a call to action.
Love as Action, Not Just Emotion
We often let our feelings dictate our actions, but Covey challenges us to flip the script. Instead of being reactive—waiting for feelings to move us—we can be proactive and choose to act with love, regardless of how we feel in the moment.
How do you love when you don’t feel love?
Serve your partner.
Sacrifice for them.
Listen deeply.
Show empathy.
Express appreciation.
Offer affirmation.
These actions are the seeds from which the feeling of love can grow again. By choosing to act with love, we nurture the very emotion we thought was lost.
Hollywood vs. Reality
Popular culture often tells us we’re at the mercy of our feelings, that love is something that just happens—or doesn’t. But this “Hollywood script” doesn’t reflect real life. If we let our feelings control our actions, we surrender our responsibility and power.
Proactive people make love a verb. They act on their values, not just their emotions. They understand that love is something you do, not just something you feel.
The Power of Sacrifice
If you want to understand love, look at those who sacrifice for others—parents caring for children, friends supporting each other through hardship, partners showing up even when it’s difficult. These acts of service and sacrifice are the true expressions of love. The feeling of love is often the result, not the starting point.
Bringing It Home: The Circle of Influence
Covey also teaches us to focus on what we can control—our own actions and attitudes. In relationships, this means putting our energy into loving actions, rather than worrying about things outside our influence. By doing so, we not only strengthen our relationships but also reclaim our sense of agency and purpose.
The next time you find yourself wondering where the love has gone, remember: love is a verb. Choose loving actions, and the feelings will follow.
